I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
