He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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