WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
