Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
