As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize