i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
