ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
