I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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