Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
