I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So much rum. So many feels.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
