Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
they're like a gay fantastic four
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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