this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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