I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
