A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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