New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
