i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
