Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
