He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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