I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
