Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
