matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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