Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
