Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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