hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
