I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
