good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
