we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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