so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
