yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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