Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
