How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
