After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
