just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
