I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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