I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
