If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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