Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
