I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The adults are the big ones right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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