Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
