sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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