lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
