dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
