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You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Buhtt sex?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
People in love make me want to vomit
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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