just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize