i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
