I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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