i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
