The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
