yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
