never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
