Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
