Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
