sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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