im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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