he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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