So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
