I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
