My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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