Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
