Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
