i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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