drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
