if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
