me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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