She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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