Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry about my life...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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