One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
