I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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