Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
