going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
